I was talking to Mike last night about my ex and he said that I just need to get rid of him all together. I was planning on talking to my ex and saying what I wanted to say to him, but it’s just not worth doing anymore. I still kind of want to, but I just wont. As much as I did not want to, I deleted my twitter account :( and blocked J on facebook. Hopefully now I will be able to be as disconnected as I can be from him. It’s kind of funny that in the beginning of the year I was the one helping Mike through his girlfriend issues and now he is the one tutoring me. I feel bad for bringing J up to anyone who will listen, but it’s kind of my way to cope with it. I like hearing everyone’s opinions because I can take bits and pieces from everyone and cypher through them all. I’m not exactly thrilled with my choice of action, but as the saying goes “what’s easiest is not always best” so I’m stuck with it.
IF: J ends up texting me (and I can see what he is saying due to 60% of my phone screen being blocked out)…. well I’m not too sure what I will say yet. Maybe the hardest thing for me to do would be to just tell him of my stance on everything and say I just cannot talk to him anymore because that would be the best for both of us. That would probably be the best and the hardest. However due to past events of him not talking to me… he might not even ask me why I deleted him off FB and deleted my twitter.
For some stupid reason that boy has a hold on me. I want to go back to last year when I just didn’t need or want to talk to J at all. I went 4 months without talking to him and the only reason we talked was because he wished me happy holidays (I’m a sucker for that). I want that mentality back.
- he wasn’t 10 minutes away from me (shitty excuse)
- i wasn’t completely comfortable around him
- i hadn’t planned out our relationship for when he moved to Gainesville (at the beginning of the year when we were dating) b/c it would have been perfect
- I was sure that it was not just the distance that tore us apart
- i didn’t want to make him happy
- he got along with my friends
- he wasn’t trying to get a better life for himself (academically)
- he wasn’t so up-and-down emotionally (which he doesn’t seem like he is anymore, but that could just be a cover which wouldn’t surprise me)
- he didn’t fabricate everything
I could see us getting back together, but writing it all down just makes it seem like I don’t really have feelings for him I just like the idea and comfort of him.
Stupid Boy! AH! I wish I could just not think about him all the time.